


Where We Stopped (Un)Believing

by theZanyArthropleura



Category: Godzilla (IDW Comics)
Genre: AU where the whole teams stays together, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Kaiju investigators, Yes you read that tag right, far fewer Varan-related puns in the actual fic I'm sorry, in the Godzilla fandom?, in which I read way too much into a pair of comic panels, set during Rulers of Earth chapters 5-7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theZanyArthropleura/pseuds/theZanyArthropleura
Summary: Eight reflections on one unbelievable night.
Relationships: Lucy Casprell/Kristina Sumres
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Where We Stopped (Un)Believing

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a thought exercise to get in these characters' heads for another project, but also there was nothing else here for the pairing or any of these characters, so now you get this too.

Marcia was used to complaining.

At some point, she’d all but stopped doing it with genuine intent, so much as voicing a running meta-commentary on the fact no one ever listened to a word she said. A reassuring self-acknowledgement that her reality had remained the same.

Evidently, something had finally gone wrong with it. Ever since she’d joined Professor Ando’s K.I.T. group, she’d felt oddly watched, surveilled, _paid attention to_. She’d mentioned how much she hated her full name – _Marcia Marshall_ , who _does_ that? – exactly _once_ , and Lucy had been running a full list of new nicknames by her ever since. Kristina had even pulled her aside to ask, in confidence, whether there was anything more to it.

Marcia wasn’t used to that kind of affection, that kind of openness, from _anyone_ , let alone two people who were clearly already occupied with directing most of that energy toward _each other_.

She would admit that at the beginning, Megazoology had mattered little to her, aside from being the most rapidly-expanding field of study in the world. Almost being crushed flat by a rampaging squirrel-lizard now had her very carefully reconsidering her advantage play. She stared distantly into the darkening screen of the neon pink cellphone in her hand, wondering most of all why she hadn’t already hit ‘send’ on the _I’ve decided this isn’t for me, I’m coming home_ text she’d typed out with still-shaking fingers.

She’d _shivered_ in the back of that truck in Beijing, arms wrapped around herself like all the other times she’d ever been scared and alone, until her faint mumble of something involving the word ‘cold’ had snapped Shannon out of her silent prayer. Just a hand holding hers, in one of the darkest moments of her life, was enough to change everything.

Her thumb fell on the ‘delete’ arrow until the entire message disappeared back to the start, then moved again to the keypad. _I’m Okay_ , she typed out instead, and only then realized that now, she actually meant it.

  


* * *

  


Shawn Lelonzo had expected, best case, to _tolerate_ his teammates, a faint hope drawn from the common ground they would all share as scientists, and as enthusiasts of giant monsters.

The first was true for all, the second true for only some, but it hardly mattered. Lucy Casprell could chatter off for _hours_ about her favorite kaiju, and Kristina Sumres was a close second, Kyle Fellows a distant, but still impressive third. It was a rare day indeed when anyone else could rival Shawn's own endurance on the topic. No one else had bothered to _listen_ since…

No, he wasn’t going to think about his brother again.

The professor had made an honest mistake, Shawn was pretty sure, and Varan’s appearance had overtaken any sting he’d felt soon after.

Now, Shawn was on his tablet, scrolling through his collected reports, footage, and classification notes, and Jason Ford and Shannon Nunez were leant over his chair, hanging on every word. They were smiling, and chiming in comments – most of which were supportive and appropriate, not ignorant or contradictory. Then again, he could even forgive a few largely irrelevant, personal anecdotes, with how invested the two of them clearly were.

They were also in his personal space, which he found he didn’t mind at all, for _either_ of them. Something about that thought was strange, but he’d catalogue it, and return to it later.

After today, he could say with certainty that his enthusiasm about the kaiju Varan had, for a single moment, peaked astronomically, but fell away just as sharply, along with the idea of studying _any_ kaiju up close if it was always going to turn out like it had this time. Perhaps Shawn’s interest was one better satisfied from a distance.

But near-death experiences aside, it was a good fit. There would be more time to decide, of course, but for Shawn, it was quite difficult to imagine being able to accomplish any more in life, than he could from – _figuratively_ – right here.

  


* * *

  


Shannon Nunez was used to death, but a brush this close was still something new.

She respected kaiju, for the biological marvels they represented, but she’d seen how destructive they could be. How much havoc they could wreak at such a massive scale – and what purely _human_ chaos they left in their wake, when cities were underprepared or unwilling to deal with the fallout.

Last night, an entire military detachment had been trampled in an instant before Shannon’s eyes, and part of her couldn’t get past the futility of even trying to count lives lost. She could be grateful for her own, and that everyone on the team had made it out safely – no thanks to Jeremy. She shook her head, but kept smiling, as Shawn recited his in-depth analysis on which reptile genus Zilla most likely belonged to.

It was a contradiction she could reconcile at times, even if she was still trying to wrap her head around the fault and consequence of Lucy freeing Gaira. If kaiju cold be understood on a deeper level, more measures could be taken to prevent future loss of life. Who better to lead the charge, than people with such interest in the creatures?

As long as she could keep her own enthusiasm for what they were, how they behaved, how they thought… it was something to nurture, not be ashamed of.

Should it change things, to have felt the fear course through her own heart? She could admit, she was terrified. Shocked and rattled to her core, and more than ready to never have to feel that fear again. How many times could she hope to be so lucky, if she kept on this course?

But how many more lives would be claimed, regardless, if _someone_ didn’t step up? By the kaiju themselves, the damaged world they left behind, or by the measures humans would go to, if she couldn’t find a better way?

There was so much fear in this room, but also so many lights to cling to, from those who still managed to be beacons if it. For this team, this… _familia_ , might be the better word, now… it was a turning point. Their first true taste of the mortal danger they would all be at risk of facing if they stayed the course. If they shattered now, the hope and trust that was on the verge of being forged would be lost, but if they endured…

If they endured, everything they’d all sacrificed could still be worth it.

  


* * *

  


Kyle Fellows had seen people react all sorts of ways, to finding themselves in the path of a rampaging giant monster.

He’d done everything he could to keep an eye on every last one of his teammates, urging them all onward ahead of him and making sure none lagged behind. The moment Varan had risen from the water, he’d had a nightmarish vision of the other students giving in to panic, scattering aimlessly in the chaos and falling victim one by one.

It had been a miracle that they’d kept as focused as they had. Apparently ‘Run’ was a simple enough direction for them to follow, and they’d all had the common sense to move as a group and stay with the professor.

Well, _almost_ all of them.

Kyle had let Jeremy out of his sight for a _second_ , and was still kicking himself for missing what that jerk had done. Luckily Lucy had been there to take over.

He’d been worried about Lucy most of all, after hearing of her exploits back in Sydney during the Zilla attack. This time, she’d had someone to focus on, and a whole new self-preservation instinct had seemed to take over.

(Maybe not _self_ -preservation, exactly, but Kyle wasn’t one to read into things.)

Waiting in the airport now, Kyle kept to himself, with headphones in his ears as he silently watched over the room. Most of the others were shaken and exhausted, but overall, they kept it together better than he might have expected. Some of them were even smiling, and the mood was just a little infectious.

He was impressed with the others, and more than that, impressed with himself. It was with disappointment that he’d judged the world’s reaction to giant monsters, but with a lifetime score of 0-1, he’d known full well he was a hypocrite.

Now, the score was 1-1.

It had still been a close call, maybe the kind of close call he shouldn’t risk again.

Or maybe he could just have a little more faith.

  


* * *

  


From day one, Kristina Sumres had always looked at Lucy Casprell like the air itself sparkled around her, but _this_ was something on a completely separate level.

They’d been… _close_ , was one way to put it. Closer than two people who’d only met recently should be by now, if there wasn’t something else there. Maybe opening with a compliment really _was_ the right move. But nothing else could truly capture the intensity of how much someone cared about you, quite like when there was a giant monster one footstep away from catching up to you both, and she was looking at _you_ , making sure you were ready to run.

Almost dying was… not something Kristina wanted to think about. _This_ was better, even if it made her heart race and her worry build in an entirely different way.

Her eyes fluttered open, fixed on crossed arms resting in front of her. She tried to breathe, and ground herself on first, the studded bracelet over her wrist, and then the medium-length, periwinkle-sparkled fingernails that she hoped acted enough as a curb on final expectations as she’d intended them to be. Lucy was across the room, texting someone with a bright smile on her face, and Kristina tried very hard not to take that as a bad sign.

But what were the chances anyway?

Kristina shook her head.

 _No_. The chances were… _always_ going to be astronomically low. Kristina wasn’t exactly quiet about who she was in a general sense, and if that had been any kind of cause for worry or discomfort, Lucy wouldn’t be acting like this. There were enough signs that Lucy was open to _something_ , and…

…and then they’d just have to have hope, that even if it wasn’t exactly what they both wanted, in the end it could at least be something neither of them would regret.

Kristina would take the chance… as soon as her heart stopped racing again.

  


* * *

  


It was the first time Jason Ford had seen a real kaiju up close.

It _wasn’t_ the first time he’d ran as the ground exploded behind him, dodged flaming wreckage falling from the sky, or lunged forward, with arms held wide, in a desperate move to push as many people as he could out of range of certain death.

He was a _field photographer_ , but war-torn nations tended not to care what your official title was.

He wouldn’t have said the others were underprepared by any means. They had the right kind of knowledge and intuition – well, _most_ of them – to observe and document, even hypothesize and predict the monsters’ biology and patterns of behavior. This just happened to be one particular field of study where quite a few _other_ skills tended to come in handy, in practice.

Maybe they were lucky to have him, or maybe he was lucky to have _them_. They were fun people, with enthusiasm and spirit that Jason had missed, in most other places he’d lent his skills. The night had shaken them, but one by one, they seemed to be bouncing back.

A few of them were wavering, Jason could tell, but none had broken. There were some he could easily see dropping off, either now or when the past night proved, inevitably, to be more the norm than the exception, but at least one or two were in it for the long haul.

Jason didn’t doubt for a moment he’d be right there with them.

  


* * *

  


So what, if Jeremy was a bit of a coward?

So what, if his first and only priority was saving his own skin, when a fifteen-thousand-ton reptile was bearing down on him?

So what, if the only reason he was here in the first place was how mysterious and intriguing ‘Kaiju Investigator’ would have sounded as his job title?

He’d gotten the shouts, the fierce, scowling looks he’d expected, and kept a smile through every one, but at some point, it had just… stopped. They still weren’t talking to him, but otherwise, they’d all somehow collectively decided things were going back to normal. Even Kristina. Even _Lucy_.

They’d been running from a literal giant monster, he couldn’t be held responsible for being thrown into a panic and acting on instinct. He’d told himself that a hundred times, but he hadn’t expected anyone else to believe it. _You were scared_ , Lucy had mumbled as they filtered off the plane. Solemn, and still bitter, but not trying to start anything.

So what, if he did feel a little ashamed, now. Especially whenever he heard Kristina’s laugh from the other chair.

Jeremy relaxed, arms behind his head as he began to doze off.

So what, if he’d probably apologize, and make sure he never did anything like it again, if the rest of the team actually forgave him.

So what, if that was the main reason he hoped they _didn’t_.

But so what, if maybe his _pride_ wasn’t the most important thing to him, anymore.

  


* * *

  


They hadn’t had the chance for much sightseeing in Tokyo, after all, for reasons Lucy Casprell could only guess at but could guess at pretty well. Professor Ando was in contact with someone in higher channels, possibly the CKR itself, and whatever business the rest of the group had been dragged along into was moving quickly.

Now, the professor was busy cleaning his spare pair of glasses, and the others dispersed around the room were taking the moment’s peace to get some much-needed sleep.

Not Lucy, though. She’d already recounted parts of the story twice already, so she had a head start on the basic presentation of the official report, but she couldn’t rest until she’d taken proper note of every last detail she could still drag out of her memory while it was fresh.

She’d almost been distracted from her work _once_ , when Kristina walked back into the room, having changed into a soft and inviting, light grey T-shirt and yawning with exhaustion. She’d settled on the same, bright red cushioned seat as Lucy, and despite it being wide enough to accommodate both of them with plenty of room, had quickly snuggled into the other girl’s shoulder.

Lucy’s only objection was the rush to keep herself focused.

Being close seemed important to Kristina, maybe especially now. She’d been hesitant about it when they’d first met, but Lucy had been receptive, because… well, she had no reason _not_ to be, but even that was something the other girl had shown open gratitude for.

As Lucy typed, there was a moment of possibly-embarrassed tension – which was weird, because Kristina usually wasn’t that self-conscious with her – and then…

“Who was that you were talking to? At the airport. You seemed happy.”

Lucy felt her cheeks heat up. “I, umm… my… my mom is always asking what I’m up to. She gets worried, so I… I try to update her on things, keep in touch. I know it probably sounds…”

“I think it’s sweet,” Kristina insisted quickly with a smile, moving so her hands were overlapping and hooked over Lucy’s left shoulder. There was a twinge of momentary guilt on her face, but she quickly settled to obvious relief, almost like a huge weight of apprehension had just now left her.

“…Really?”

“Yeah, really!” Kristina murmured softly, with a small chuckle. “It’s nice that you’re still close.” She seemed almost drawn into something by the words, but recovered quickly. “Do you tell her everything?”

“Yeah, I…” Lucy paused. “Most things, I guess.”

Now that she thought about it, she’d left a lot of stuff about Kristina out of the story she’d told her mother. Well, she _felt_ like she’d left a lot out, but that was mostly because she was thinking about Kristina a lot, comparatively, and that had felt weird to bring up.

When she’d wished for her group to be interesting, she’d never imagined meeting a person that would be on her mind quite this much, let alone one she’d feel so immediately connected to. It was still early on, and Lucy wouldn’t have exactly called Kristina a friend, but she was slowly realizing the implication of that statement was in the opposite direction from the one she’d expected.

“Cause we’ll be dealing with classified stuff sometimes?” Kristina reminded with a slight frown.

“Yeah, can’t go around spilling all those state secrets!” Lucy jumped on, smiling with relief.

And that was the point she realized that Kristina had given her an out, and she’d taken it, and neither one of them had been honest about what they’d each meant to say.

Kristina looked and felt nervous again, and more than a little sad, even if she tried to hide it with another faint smile. She yawned, and fell intermittently to watching Lucy type out the report, her hands still around Lucy’s shoulder but beginning to waver.

She’d almost _died_ , and… as much as Lucy could tell the other girl would rather not have to think about it, it wasn’t that much of a stretch that it had changed things. Maybe she felt like she had less time now, was looking for an answer…

And so, because Lucy was a brave person who did brave things, and only thought about the consequences when it was already too late…

…she kept typing her report.

_At around that time, I noticed the pain in my arm from the fall onto Gaira’s observation deck hadn’t gone away. Concerned that it might be serious, I had Jason check over the injury, while Kristina held me steady. Kristina is… affectionate, and I hadn’t even realized how much I needed that until it was already our regular thing. I’m pretty sure she likes me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that at first, but when she looks at me the way she does, I never want it to stop. I’m happy with where we are. I want to keep going like this, maybe forever, and maybe I really, really hope it can mean more than it already does, but now I don’t know how long it can last if neither of us says anything. I think Kristina’s already starting to feel a bit nervous, but I don’t want her to worry. If she knew how much she already meant to me, she wouldn’t need to._

When Lucy felt the hands on her shoulder freeze solid, she knew that was probably around the point Kristina had realized what she was reading. Lucy’s fingers stopped typing, but refused to leave the keys, for the sudden movement it would create.

Slowly, their gazes met. Both their faces were flushed and fearful at first, but little by little, became home to fond and affectionate smiles. The moment of connection seemed to bring forth, in them both, the weight of emotion they’d been shoving aside for hours now, but through soft reassurances they kept one another from drowning in the fears and realizations jarred loose by one unbelievably tenacious triphibious reptile.

They were exhausted, with a report to finish for real and a long helicopter ride ahead of them, and there wouldn’t likely be any time to talk openly for quite a while, but maybe that didn’t matter so much. They had the path ahead of them, and whatever anyone else decided, they had each other.


End file.
